screaming in dismay

alright i got two ideas but i dont know which one to get first idea is getting five cards the ace king queen jack of spades and the joker over top of a rose with a few skulls around them starting on my shoulder going across my chest curving down to the centre of my chest. or should i finish my half sleeve?   

i dont understand whats going on. i can’t sleep. i can’t  enjoy food everything taste the same. i got a numb feeling in my fingers. every little thing pisses me off work guys that hang with my girl friend. i got so much going through my mind i don’t even know what I’m thinking anymore. last night i was lying in bed, i felt dead tired. usually i can sleep when my girl friend comes over, but last night i don’t remember sleeping. i remember trying to lie still and fall a sleep. i just couldn’t sleep. today i had tacos i love tacos but it tasted like everything else i put in my mouth. it went in my mouth i chewed it then swallowed. thats it. i haven’t thought about suicide forever but lately ill an idea of how i could kill myself pops in my head i would never kill myself. i don’t like how ideas of suicide comes in my head. though’s are just sum of the thoughts that runs through my head i can’t even explain all my thoughts  i just don’t understand maybe I’m just going nuts